When I am asked if I could wind the clock back to before getting divorced in 2002, would I do so? For sure, I would have done some things differently. I would have been kinder to my ex and a better mother to my children as we navigated the divorce process which was painful for our whole family.
It doesn't matter if you are married for a year or 25 years, choosing to divorce is always going to be traumatic. I had decided to wait until our sons had finished school because I thought it would be easier for them to handle.
There is no "good" time to break up the family. In retrospect, I had been getting unhappier each year and bottling up my feelings led to the inevitable explosion.
We had a family business for the previous 10 years where I was responsible for Finance, Marketing, HR and Admin and our Computer training centre. Our offices were located on our beautiful 7 acre smallholding where my older son kept his horse and I kept a few chickens.
I had always been the parent who took them everywhere they needed to go, helped with homework, sports and other activities. I had reluctantly left them in the care of one of our staff so I could accompany their father on a trip overseas for 2 weeks when they were in their late teens. Leaving permanently left me riddled with guilt about abandoning them.
When I left on my "Shirley Valentine" adventure, I abdicated my work responsibilties to our elder son which was unfair and our younger son was at university in Pretoria. I arranged a flat for him to rent when our property was sold. He was nowhere near emotionally mature enough to live on his own.
Because our children had finished school, we did not have custody issues. I was moving to Cape Town and I "got custody" of Jessica, my beloved Staffie who became my lifeline.
We had a divorce mediator, assisted by our auditor to help us divide our assets and liablilites. I am forever grateful to both these women for their support and wisdom.
There are no winners in divorce. It always leaves scars not only with the divorcing family but the extended families on both sides and of course our friends.
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