It is OK to Cry

SURVIVING A BROKEN WORLD

Elderly man crying It feels like the world has become too heavy to bear and we have no control over our future. Whether we like it or not the war in the middle east is affecting us all, regardless of our location, race, political affiliation or religious beliefs.

As neuro-divergents and/or those who have suffered trauma growing up, or as an adult, we become hyper-vigilant. We are visual thinkers and make movies in our heads about every possible scenario.

We lose perspective.

In our twenty years together, I have seen Dave cry perhaps three times, yet Dave is a super sensitive human being. Growing up, boys did not cry. As men, they dealt with their pain by burying it deeply and lashing out when they could no longer pretend.

The other day Dave was reading me an story (it could have been AI generated), about a young man on an airplane being deployed to a war zone for the first time. Let’s call him Joe. Joe was probably not even twenty years old. His uniform was ironed and he sat stoically in his seat as he was being flown to a place which would change his life forever.

The flight attendant announced him as a very special passenger and encouraged other passengers to write him a note of encouragement. Dave was reading these notes to me and becoming increasingly distressed. He burst into tears and sobbed.

Dave had done his compulsory military service in the early 1970’s. His first career was as a hard news photo-journalist covering riots in South Africa, Mugabe coming to power in 1980 in Zimbabwe, suicides and many other traumatic events.

All it took for him to finally break and acknowledge his trauma was a story about a young man going off to war and the reactions of his fellow passengers sharing their experiences of sending their own children to war not knowing if they would come home.

How do we get through each day?

Here are some suggestions.

It is OK to cry and share your fears with a trusted friend or family member.

Decide if you have any control over a particular event. If not, stop watching the news and focus on your own family, friends and community.

Taking practical steps to prepare for what may happen gives you a feeling of accomplishment and control.

It is highly likely we will enter a long recession. There will be fuel shortages which affect every aspect of our lives. Fuel is going up R5.00+ a litre, Diesel up to R10.00 a litre.

Most of us are already cash strapped and it will only get worse. It is time to hunker down and live as simply as possible.

Make it a family priority to create a budget
Avoid taking on new debt
Declutter and sell what you can. Donate to the homeless or a school or a non-profit organisation that is struggling.
The children may have to give up some of their extra-murals
Your gym membership, hobby class or regular Friday night pub meet-up may need to be paused.
Car pool or use public transport
Where possible work from home
Organise a bulk buying group for food and cleaning supplies.
Stock up with non-perishable items
Most of us in South Africa have experienced extended power and water outages. Assume that these are going to get worse with increased fuel prices and shortages.
Stock up on water for drinking, cleaning and cooking purposes.
Be cautious about stocking up your freezer and fridge to avoid waste from food rotting during prolonged power outages.
Invest in a power bank to charge your phone.
If the worst happens we could lose access to the internet.
We might have to resort to pen and paper. Make sure you have a list of your account numbers, title deeds, short term and life insurance documents